I was driving to work a few days ago and I was feeling really uncomfortable within. I had been entertaining text messages from someone I work with and although the test messages weren’t bad, they were full of flattery. This person has also been asking me to hang out, instead of saying no and being straight forward and telling that I wasn’t interested in dating or hanging out, I kept coming up with excuses as to why I couldn’t hang out.
think know I was entertaining him and not being straight forward because in my really small brain, I didn’t want the flattery and text messages to stop because it felt less lonely, I felt a little more prettier, I felt cared for and assured. I was loving the attention.
The past few years have been emotionally draining for me and this year was the most traumatic but a turning point for me because I had my own personal revival and God really showed up in my life. My heart is really changing but I still find myself settling for things less than what I know God has for me. Like unnecessary flattery from guys I have no intention of dating.
I has been praying over Romans 5:3-5 this week and in verse 5, it says that, hope does not put us to shame or hope does not disappoint. This hope is found in Christ. The hope is not some mere wishful thinking but it’s based on who God is, victory that He has already won and the promise of His Kingdom to come. Hope is in God’s identity; faithful, good, Almighty, love, comfort, LIFE, kind, etc… THIS God offers me so much more, so I am not sure why I am settling for mere flattery and conversations about love that doesn’t even take action and hide itself behind fear of the unknown and being “logical.” That isn’t what God has for me. I know that.
This reminds me of a quote by C.S Lewis in his book, THE WEIGHT OF GLORY ( I’ve been reading this book for like 3 years, don’t judge me. Its’s a difficult read. hahaha)
It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.
I am for too easily pleased.
This doesn’t mean to be uptight, but just a reminder that the King over all our lives has so much to offer us. For me, it just means being patient and not giving into temporary feelings of satisfaction and clinging to thing that aren’t for me. This means for me, calling myself beautiful and feeling beautiful on my own. It means feeling the weight of loneliness most nights. It means going out on my own and doing things that I like alone. It means establishing boundaries and sticking to them. It means letting my yes be yes and no, no. More importantly, it means clinging to the only ONE who can fulfill me and satisfy me in ways I can’t even imagine.
If you can relate when reading this, I’m praying for you and I, that God strengthen us to reject cheap forms of love and flattery and just cling onto the hope in the beautiful future He has prepared for us. And also to remind us that in every season, IT IS WELL.
even if HE doesn’t…
How do you love yourself?