It is really hard for me to write this because this isn’t what people expect from “faith and lifestyle blog.” It is hard for me to write this because I feel like I’m a liar and people will question my faithfulness. But the truth is, I have been struggling with my faith.
I started out the year with a bang really, well for me at least it was. Deciding that I was going to be hopeful was such a bold step for me because I knew it was going to require me to put myself out there and face the world as is while fulling trusting God. Trusting Him as Infinite Wisdom and Infinite Goodness. But, I have not been feeling like God is good. I am struggling to believe in His goodness.
I think I shared a few posts back that one thing that rescued me from last years tragedy (I’m dramatic) was experiencing God as good. For me, that meant nearness and this un-explainable peace even when I was falling apart and thinking life wasn’t worth living. But a few weeks into this new year, I find myself doubting that He is really good.
give me faith, to trust what You say, that You’re good and Your love is great…
It is uncomfortable for me to admit that I am struggling with my faith because it feels like I am disappointing someone. I look at all these other faith bloggers and I am amazed by their faith and courage and how they live out the Christian walk and I look at me and I don’t feel as strong. I am not full of faith.
I am still the person people look at and say, “have more faith.” I want to be the person people look at and are inspired by her faith.
Right now, my position is that, If He is good, He need to show that He is good. If He is Sovereign, He needs to show His sovereignty. etc… I need God to be LORD. The I AM. He just needs to BE!!
Do you struggle with your faith sometimes?