Reporting live from the heart of an Enneagram 4w3. Phlegmatic/Melancholic, and INFJ on the Myers Briggs. None of these personality tests have actually been scientifically proven, but there is consensus of it all being “almost” accurate
All this to tell you that I am an emotional over-thinker, who will most times “rather not.”
Appearing to be happy is so draining and I am completely over it. I am over people constantly asking me if I am okay. I am over people expecting me to smile every second of the day. I am over people needing me to be happy for THEIR comfort not necessarily because they care about my well being. I am seriously over it all.
I am not a bubbly person, although I can be when I see food and booze. But the point is, I could be having a really good day and it will not appear in how i act or behave in that moment. Sometimes it is visibly evident that I am having a good time, but most time, I am really taking everything and remembering everything about said good day.
I’ve found myself prepping myself to be visibly cheerful before I enter certain spaces and it is sucking out all the patience and joy in me. (I am emotionally dramatic, reference my personality types above) I absolutely and will not do it anymore. I try to put on this image to appear happy because people do not know what to do with my “intense image?” someone’s words, not mine.
People: “please make ME comfortable by smiling and laughing for no reason.
How about we all just let people be?
I just crave authenticity and I just wish we weren’t all just putting on this mask to appear happy. Like you can be happy and have relaxed facial expressions. Not to dismiss the people whose happiness are naturally visible, I am here for those people too. But I am not one and I it drains me to act like I am.
It is so prevalent in the Christian community and especially among us evangelical Christians. Seriously, how would I know God is fighting and winning all your battles if I don’t see that Instagram photo of you showing all 32-36 teeth?
Please can I carry my “happy” in my heart while you can carry yours on your face without judgment?
I had such a laugh writing this post. Can you relate?
***I know I was doing the challenge but I was challenged by the last 2 prompts, but I should be back on it.